Knif “Demos”

 KNIF demos (-review by Pepsi Sheen)

TheKnifGuitar star, Deane Clapper, was one of the born to lose, scowling, glitter punks you’d see stompin’ around the Bowery in the last days of the Green Door era when the NY Loose, D-Generation, Fur, Pillbox and Waldos ruled the East Side and you could just tell—even back then, that there was something wrong with that guy, he had a haunted, distant look in his eye, like he was perpetually on a Coney Island High.

‘You ever met one of those dudes who you always just KNEW was gonna end up in a wayward gang of greaser misfits and motorcycle girls, performing his primitive, volatile rocknroll music, for throngs of heavily perspiring junkie strippers and emotionally troubled pin-up dolls? Don’t book KNIF to play your gentrified bistro. They attract a promiscuous, twisting, heavy-drinking crowd—people who like to dress up in beehives and tight leather, the KNIF audiences are notorious for dancing, removing their blouses, and buying a lot of alcohol. They are not welcome in cafe society. Songs like “Get Dorked” and “Whistling Past The Graveyard” appeal to a frenzied class of imprudent Little Richard and Cramps fan who can’t be trusted to stay in their seats. These people are trouble! It’s all fun and games until someone loses a bra!

Lots of us rolled our eyes, collectively, when all those 90’s mama’s boy twenty-nothings grew their fecking sideburns, discovered Crypt Records and Murray’s pomade, and formed ten thousand Fonzarelli hot rod bands in like, ’95. It was just the tiredest shit on Earth–Sha Na Na nostalgia, in the grunge era. We hated all those academic, middle class, Happy Days New Bomb Twerps, with their stupid unbreakable combs and Patsy Cline tattoos. Fortunately, there were still some genuine article rabble rousers keeping things suitably evil, like Electric Frankenstein, the Humpers, the Mummies, Pleasure Fuckers, and Cheater Slicks, while all those insufferable nerds pretended like they’d ever been to a strip joint, or truck stop, in real life. I remember how one college town band of wussy suck-ups, literally, cowered(!!!) along the back wall of the bar, visibly trembling(!!!) because they were so intimidated by the Candy Snatchers, but when the Candys left town, they all promptly rolled cigarette packs up in their plain white t shirts and strutted around like the guy with the acne problems down at Thunder Road. They have since become techno D.J.’s. If Mom is bankrolling the weekend band, while you finish your liberal arts degree at state college, maybe you even have enough disposable income to drive an old car and get some cheesy skin art and loiter all day at the hipster record store, but all the real rockers know you’re a buncha Potsies and Malfs, pretending to be Sharks and Jets. KNIF hates Rydell High lettermen sweaters and Richie Cunningham milkshake suckers.

KNIF are the stinky essence of the hellhounded working class….lowlife hoodlums, grown up all wrong. They are middle aged j.d.’s out for desperate kicks. Reckless, restless, relentless, rollicking, raucous rebels, rotting from the inside out. Bad men with bad habits. Lonesome, ramblin’ balls of fire, rejected by the squares and straights. These are the people your hipster music scene was studiously avoiding when all those nerds were buying Pabst belt buckles and pretending to like Nashville Pussy during their “college phase”. KNIF are the ones you were forbidden from hanging around in high school. You can’t quite make out what ever the blue letters on their knuckles say. Some of these cats are probably still on probation. You ever see that Johnny Depp movie, “Crybaby”? Or “River’s Edge”? These are the drapes, the rakes, the hoods, the stoners. Menacing scoundrels with a faint body odor, masked by like, Old Spice, and like, a feral glint in the eye. Remember Bryan Gregory back when he still wore that chickenbone necklace everyday, and worked at the porn store, having to pour those buckets of bleach on the drain in the peepshow floor? KNIF are scuzzy music for scuzzy people, you dig? You know the way garages and auto-parts stores smell? Keep your phony baloney, pussy record collectors and their milk mustaches. KNIF are dangerous throwbacks to a time that never existed. Cuban heels and sniffin’ poppers. Weird impulses and BAD reputations. Horror hosts and unforgivable tattoos. Don’t get mixed up with people like KNIF. They will get you in trouble. You will wake up on cold rooftops in strange towns with alcohol poisoning and sore bodyparts. Sucked, fucked, and tattooed. Everywhere KNIF goes, a disreputable posse of long legged bombshells with too much make-up and tight sweaters, follow. If you play KNIF at your next house party, don’t be surprised if you wake up to a room full of naked strangers with all your vintage polaroid film used up, and all the popcorn and Bacardi spilled all over the floor. Don’t book them to play your nightclub, either. You’ll only end up having to sweep up a bunch of red lacy brassieres, and leather thongs, and having to reorder a shipment of extra liquor, the next day. Who needs THAT? KNIF are bad seeds, you have been warned. Why aren’t these sexy sons a bitches touring Spain with the Fleshtones right now?

Ode to L.A. while thinking of Alistarr and THE MOONCHASERS (-demos review by Pepsi Sheen)

The rocknroll underground is still in mourning, with a host of constellations paying homage to so many fallen stars-like Bootsey X, Scott Ashton, Leee Black Childers and the inspired glitter-doll Ultras poet, Alice Starr. We attempted to interview his former guitarslinger, Brian Butler–who also played with Rozz Williams in Daucus Karota and Kenneth Anger, via e-mail last year, but he never finished his reply, meanwhile, our best efforts to track down the enigmatic androgyne, Alistarr, had similarly proven ineffective. As many of you remember, the gloriously glam Ultras had been on Triple XXX records and were poised to carry on in the shadowy tradition of the Nymphs and Jane’s Addiction and 45 Grave with their spooky, spacey, death-punk vibes, Sabbath crunch, Bowie spectacle and Alistarr‘s unique charisma and star power. He had first gained recognition in the Sunset Strip faves, Stars From Mars, who Fred Berger made so famous in the pages of his glossy “Propaganda” goth boutique magazine. The Ultras saw Alistarr developing his highly potent wordplay and pop songcraft. They were one of those bands with a magical musical chemistry, like Hello Disaster, who just broke up too soon due to pointless personality conflicts. The Ultras were exciting and surreal, artistic, and fun. Alistarr briefly resurfaced in some bands few of us heard like the ill fated Dali Gaggers, and the Coils, he had many fans hoping to cheer his return to splendor, but it was not to be. The Galactic Kid has indeed gone sailing.

One of Alistarr‘s longtime friends and colleagues, Evad Fromme, has an underground cult band in Hollywood called Moonchasers, who will remind gutter punk and goth enthusiasts of all their favorite Hollywood noir punk bands. Live, they even sometimes throw-in a Coma-Tones cover! Great band, great songs! Look for them! They had some tunes up on Youtube and Reverb Nation that positively smoke, reminding me variously of Stiv Bators, Nick Cave, Jeffrey Lee Pierce and Tom Waits. “Lazy Eye Blue” is a little reminiscent of the Ultras with the bratty vocal, but it has a real pleasing, Jim Morrison quality that fans of sixties psychedelics, like the Doors and Zombies will naturally gravitate towards. Their guitarist is amazing, they should play shows with Captain Zapped! “Billie For My Blues” is catchy, singalong genius that evokes all the skid row dives and sleazy strip joints of L.A. and will remind anyone who ever lived in the down and out gutters of deadend Tinsel Town of their own personal booze fuelled misadventures.

“Lunchbox Girl” is yet another pop hit, all retro bubblegum and starkly lit storytelling showcasing Evad’s fine vocals and literate sensibility. A modern-day “Hello I Love You”. It’s kind of like Iggy Pop, out on a weekend pass from the Kill City looney bin with Alice Cooper and Captain Beefheart on a stumbling pub-crawl between the Rainbow, Cathouse, English Acid, and Raji’s, in rumpled hats, stained shirts, bad shoes, with empty flasks. I love a band that is this cinematic. Their songs will remind you of Jim Jarmusch. Evad‘s on the ouji board summoning back the ghosts of Jim Morrison and Jim Carroll and Gio Vitanza. If you live in Los Angeles, this is your new favorite group. If you live elsewhere, they are worth seeking out on-line, because this band is the intelligent, visceral rocknroll experience you’ve been missing, since the media monopolies took down all the cool indie labels in the nineties. Startlingly vivid guitars, a top-notch rhythm section, and a creepy, charismatic frontman with an unnerving, provocative presence, a totally unique voice all his own, and serious songwriting ability. Hollywood vampires rejoice, rocknroll is still undead in the city of fallen angels. The MoonchasersEvad Fromme, Gabriel Hammond, Anthony Gezalyan, and Tom Sanford are stone killers. See their lonely minds explode.

Down To Rock #11 (April 2014)

polaroid_teddy_dtrMy name is Teddy Heavens and I’m bringing you the latest Sleaze/Glam/Punk/Metal and Trash rock and roll news from the Golden State and the streets (and gutters) of Hollywood, California! From the Valleys to the alleys, I’ll find the coolest bands to report on and let you know what’s up from the Rock and Roll capital of the world!
Check out my Glam Punk website at

Bands I’ve been digging the last few months:

The Strypes– A young band from Ireland looking like Oasis and keeping the New Wave of Blues alive, and ready to overtake Vintage Trouble. They just finished up a run of live dates all through the United States along with some major TV appearances, and they are everywhere with the social media and advertising. Keep an eye at

Diamond Lane– Good Los Angeles based cock rock band in the tradition of G N R and Skid Row. Cool sound and look and I plan on catching a live show when they play out. Looks like they have done some regional touring. Check em out at

Like An Army-This group features ex King Of The Hill singer Frankie, and members of the ultra cover band Dr. Zivegas. Their video for “Taste Of It” is the bomb, and my personal favorite. Good, catchy hard rock and the video features naked tattooed honeys. Can’t wait to hear the rest of the music. Look up the video on YouTube.

Crashdiet– New release of old demos featuring the original line up. People go crazy for this band and you can check out the humble beginnings. Very nice package with bonus tracks, much better than what the current band is putting out. Good sounding and sleazy enough to seek out. I still wonder why they cite GG Allin in their press materials as an influence. Get it all at

I Love Rich– Rich sent me the new CD from his band and I love the tunes. These guys sound like a cross of KISS/AC-DC and Black and Blue, with catchy and dirty heavy tunes. Hit em up at

Youth Code– A 2 piece industrial/noise band from East Hollywood that is the West coast answer to Atari Teenage Riot. They have a couple of indie releases out and most recently toured with AFI. Get all the scoop on them if you dig ATR or Suicide!

The Drama– Straight up cool rock and roll band from L.A. making noise with a Thursday night residency at Loaded on Hollywood Blvd. Glitz/glam/sweat, check em out if in Hollywood on vacation. Featuring my bro Conrado P. from the Hedwig and The Angry Inch band that we played in together. www.facebook.comthedramalosangeles

What’s been up in Los Angeles:

Upcoming: Rainbow Bar and Grill 42nd anniversary party featuring Great White, Bullet Boys, Traci Gunns and Bitch. Always a good party in the parking lot, a who’s who of Hollywood rock and roll shows up for this annual party! I’ll have a Long Island Ice Tea for you all and give a report in the next DTR!!!

Winter NAMM recap: I usually stay away from crowded industry events, but got talked into going to the NAMM show this year. This show is where all musicians and fans collide in one big party. Highlights included seeing Doyle from the Misfits, the Twisted Sister guys, Slayer and my bro Shawn Smash from Total Chaos. Also hanging out with my bros Roger Romeo and Mike Prince from Legs Diamond and meeting Derek St. Holmes from the classic Ted Nugent band and Earl Slick from David Bowie’s band and the New York Dolls. There was a jam at our hotel pool and court yard that featured a bunch of classic rock guys playing all their hits and of course all the free booze you could handle. NAMM is the only place where you can see old friends, rock stars and other fuckers you don’t want to see, all in one loud and hot and sweaty place!

The Funkin Maniacs-I have to mention my bros band, Roger Romeo, as he’s playing in a trio with the drummer and bass player from the classic Swan Song records band Detective, and these guys have chops for days, also worth looking up if you are vacationing in Los Angeles, as they are playing around town most weekends.

Upcoming: The 4th Annual Johnny Thunders Memorial Show: Headlining this year’s show will be the one and only Walter Lure with The Waldos. Walter will have “rent party” guitar slinger Joey Pinter. Bands confirmed are THE ZEROS all original members in a rare appearance, plus local stars, Crazy Squeeze,Prima Donna, Telephone Lovers, Dirty Eyes, Black Mambas,The Neurotics, Devil Dogs West, and Electric Children. There will also be special guests playing with Walter Throughout his set. Gonna be a good time, I’ll give the 411 in the next DTR.

If you want me to review your music or write about your event, send it all to:

Teddy Heavens
27750 Firebrand Dr.
Castaic, Ca. 91384